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Carissa's Perspective

Our firstborn daughter's perspective on the newest addition to our family. We are so very excited about this tiny new life growing inside her, but her pregnancy brings complications because Carissa has a serious chronic condition called Mast Cell Activation Syndrome.

"I did not want to be pregnant. But you're here now, and I want you more than I can find words to say.I didn't need to carry a baby inside me to be a mama, but I'm so honored to be yours.I didn't want to risk giving you all of my health issues, but God has taught me that the magnitude of my suffering is not worthy to be compared with the magnitude of the peace and joy that is found in knowing Him - and which is yet to come. You can learn that too.I didn't want to bring a fresh, beautiful life into a harsh, pain-filled world. I didn't want to introduce you to the dark parts of what it means to be human. But with that comes the privilege of introducing you to a holy, loving, infinitely wise God. My heart has long been for adoption. But God authored your life, and He writes the best stories.I know that I can't protect you from the risks my illness poses to your life and mine. But God is the Creator of our lives, and it is His job to sustain them. I know that pregnancy can hurt my body, but you are worth it. I know I am not guaranteed to meet you, but every day that your heart beats is a miracle and a gift. My body didn't have much strength before you came, and now all of it is dedicated to growing you. That's okay with me. I'll give it all to you if that's what it takes, until there's nothing left. Just keep growing in there, okay?"

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