I've been wanting to share some of the poignant cries of desperation from my fellow sufferers of Spasmodic Dysphonia taken from today's s.d. Facebook page.
I think you'll be as shocked as I am to see the depths of anguish this condition tends to produce.
Let me be very clear that, though I have a pronounced case of s.d., and can understand the feelings these quotes express -- THEY DO NOT, BY ANY MEANS, REFLECT WHERE I AM AT.
I share them to underscore the difference it makes in one's life to know Jesus Christ as Savior and Shepherd (see below to hear more on that. Psalm 23:1-6).
And to "raise awareness," as someone whose life has been touched by breast cancer or by autism naturally desires to share an understanding that comes only through experiencing it personally (I'm not comparing s.d. to either of those in terms of severity!).
Don't get me wrong. I do not love having s.d., and wouldn't object one iota to your prayers for my complete and immediate deliverance!
As Paul prayed, I would not mind one bit the Lord taking away this "thorn."
As Jesus prayed, I would not at all mind not having to partake of this "cup."
But I do say,
"Nevertheless, NOT my will, but THINE be done." (Luke 22:42)
And, "Even so, Father. For so it seemed good in Thy sight" (Matthew 11:26).
His Grace IS sufficient.
Here they are, for those willing to read them:
"Feeling more depressed than I ever have because of this evil condition, it's been 7 years now and it still plagues my mind. I can't afford the botox treatment and my doctors have no other solutions than anti-depressants. I'm out of ideas so I'm venting. Anyone else going through hell?" Andrew
"It's harder than people imagine. The exhaustion is what gets me." Aimee
"Yes... it is hell... I cannot afford Botox either... it is 1500.00 just for the injection... that does not include the office visit... or doctor payment... and there are no guarantees it will work... so I struggle every day with this b________ of a dysfunction... that people do not understand... I could barely talk at work today... and part of my job is answering the phones... so I am with you... I hear you... and if I COULD... I would tell you... lol..."
"It’s way more frustrating than anyone who doesn’t have the disorder can possibly understand. And not many really “want” to understand. They ask about it, but since it’s not something globally recognized, I don’t think many take it very seriously..
Just know you are “heard” here Andrew! We know! We care! We feel it all!"
"Don’t give up. I’ve battled with Cervical Dystonia and spasmodic dysphonia. It’s very disheartening but lean to your family more for support. People that have never had to deal with this s____ have no clue. I’m not good company because I’m afraid to speak to people therefore I have no friends but I HAVE MY FAMILY"
"My friends; I read ALL your posts -- everyday. Tonight I have been moved to tears twice by stories from my fellow sufferers of s.d. Our condition is a B##ch of a thing. It has affected every aspect of my life - career, personal, emotional, financial, self-esteem, mental health ....EVERYTHING. As time goes on (it's only been 14 months for me now...I know others have dealt with it for much longer) I realise more and more how much the general community DON'T understand and how that just complicates EVERYTHING! SO...this post is just to say how much I TRULY appreciate this forum/group. I can't begin to convey the gratitude I feel for you all; the acceptance; the way we understand one another; the support we can provide for one another - from every part of the world! (I am in Australia). This page connected me with people who have become 'life-lines' to me when I first joined....when I didn't understand or even know what was happening to me. There have been many times when I was at my lowest - that this page, and reading the stories of others, helped me to keep going and live - literally! This group is SO powerful and empowering! Thank you. God Bless us all!"
If I have Spasmodic Dysphonia, or any other disease or disorder, what difference does it make that I know Christ?
For one thing, it means I live in view of THE ETERNAL (II Corinthians 4:17-18; Romans 8:18).
And, because I believe the ETERNAL is not just "make believe" or "gee, I sure hope it's true," but is as real as anything we touch or see or hear or sense, my eggs are not all in the frail, threadbare basket of this physical, temporal world (I John 2:17).
For me, this malady, while terribly painful and disheartening (as you can see above!), is not catastrophic, as it may be to others for whom this short time on earth is "the main event."
It does not mean the ruin of my life.
Rather, this is evidently the will of my Heavenly Father for me in the present, and is something He has a purpose for in my life and ministry, and is using to conform me to the very image of His beloved Son (Romans 8:28-30).
Knowing that, I can actually thank Him for this, with a genuine heart (Ephesians 5:20; Romans 5:3-5).
This life is NOT "the main event," but is a very miniscule, teenincey sliver compared to the VAST, unfathomable expanse of eternity.
And the eternity I have with my God will be absolutely glorious; even MORE so because, by His grace, I was able to remain faithful to Him through the bumps and scrapes of these temporal wilderness wanderings (I Corinthians 9:24-27; I Timothy 2:12; Hebrews 3:14; 10:35-36; 11:13-15; Revelation 2:26-37; 3:8, 21)